Um, I don't know how or why I stumbled upon here all of a sudden. I was looking through my mails and then i saw this mail for a notification subscription to this blog and I thought maybe had unfortunately stumbled onto my crazy vulnerable rant dump hole. So I am here, again. Its quite funny, ironic and quite coincidental that I had to find this again after so long on the first day....first night actually, of, my winter vacations, considering how i created this on the first day of my reprieve after CAIEs. Oh how much the damsel (in this case me) laments over how fast the time has gone by. Its nearly the end of 2018 lol. I am yet again burdened by the overshadowing mocks...and then CIEs. My last cies.... I mean I'd be a university student by this time next year, yes? Dow starts in November.
Its also quite funny and pathetic, on my part, to be storing so many of 'myselfs' on different platforms. Those diaries, Ejournals, Blogs? and now an anonymous Twitter profile. Which is called, the usual ramblings of a tired soul. LOLOL. funny why do I want to preserve my self with such desperateness? maybe, this feeling of looking back and re=reading what you wrote all those ages ago, it makes you have a connection with the thoughts and opinions of you of this moment.
I actually wasted my whole first day of winter vacation tryna download MS word. I have been nursing this thought of writing Taejin fic for so long now. My hands and my mind itch to write something. But as always, a part of me stops me from doing so. Idky this repulsiveness, an almost hatred? reluctance, comes from, at the thought of typing down words. Maybe I am just afraid of it not making sense like it does in my head?A selfish part of me, a scared part of me just wishes not to let disappointment creeping in. I dont want to disappoint myself lol. What even. Maybe i am just scared, scared at the thought of....writing. PSSHHSh its not making sense lol. I should stop it now. My hands tire, i have already written so much more in the past 10 minutes here than i have down throughout the day on what i should've been focusing on. why am i like this lol this is so funny.
I'll go now. Its winter here. We dont turn on fans. We use blankets and also, we hide more in ourselves, a little more so than the usual. Bye!
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